


Allein

by 221brothermine



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is 28, Darkfic, F/M, Loss of Virginity, Older Man/Younger Woman, Power Imbalance, Rey is 16, Southern-ish Ben?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:55:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24601192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221brothermine/pseuds/221brothermine
Summary: Rey’s got a new older boyfriend. She hasn’t had sex yet, but she's sure he'll show her how.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 43
Kudos: 218





	1. barbeque chips

**Author's Note:**

> this will be a two-shot or possibly a three-shot. :)

Rey liked that she got to sit on the countertop at the convenience store when there weren’t too many people. She swung her legs back and forth, sucked on a lollipop Ben wouldn’t make her pay for. He would just slap her ass later and say that’s what she gets for stealing. It made Rey blush every time, especially when he did it in front of his friends, Hux and Phasma.

Ben was in community college. He was older, so he wasn’t immature and stupid like the boys at Rey’s high school. She was lucky she met him on a Friday morning while trying to buy cigarettes with Rose, who had just turned eighteen. They were giggling so much, and Rey saw Ben smirking while counting money at the register.

“May I help you?” he said. He had facial hair – a mustache and a shortly-cropped beard. Thick black hair up to his ear which stuck out. He was tall. Intimidating. Rey had seen him once or twice before and always thought he looked so serious.

Not wanting to get in trouble, Rey dropped her smile and cleared her throat. “Uh, we’d just like to buy a cigarette pack, please.”

“Sure, honey, which one?” he said, chewing a piece of gum. _Honey._ Rey blushed as Rose tucked at her arm excitedly and whispered in her ear, “Marlboro. Go for classic.”

“Mar—Marlboro, please,” Rey said, sliding money across the counter. Ben glanced at the money but didn’t make a move to take it.

“ID?” he drawled.

Rey looked at Rose, who dug around in her pocket till she found her ID. She extended it to him with an excited smile. Ben glanced at it briefly but went on counting the money. Rey and Rose exchanged a glance.

He finally put the money away, closing the cash register with a _kling_. Then he finally looked at them. When he met Rey’s eyes, Rey immediately wanted to shrink away. He looked her up and down, chewing with his mouth open. Rey wanted to puff up her chest, feeling defensive. She was sixteen, not of age yet, technically, but he didn’t know that.

“Now why would two ladies such as yourselves wanna mess up your pretty little lungs?” he said.

“Is—is there a problem?” Rey said, trying to sound brave but failing.

Rose looked between them worriedly. “Uh, I’m the one buying. Technically. I’m eighteen. I could hand you the cash instead, if you want.”

He leaned over the counter and grinned. His smile was toothy. His canine teeth were a little sharper than most. He kept eyeing Rey. Then he picked up their money, light winking off the coins, and swiveled on his feet. He picked out a pack from the rows behind him and tossed it at Rey, who had to scramble to catch it.

“Just messing with you, doll.” He winked.

Rey and Rose stuttered their thank yous and rushed out of the store. They laughed excitedly when they got outside.

“Okay, remember, we each smoke one, then we throw out the pack. Just trying it out. We could give the rest to Poe, but—” Rose shrugged and shook her head. “I don’t want to encourage his addiction.”

“Yeah, right, no, me neither,” Rey said. She glanced at the convenience store. It was hard to see with the door glass reflecting light, but Rey could see him moving around in there. She had felt something. A small spark. It wasn’t the first time a man had given her a long look, but that didn’t mean she always liked who was looking. Ben—that was the name on his nametag – was a bit scary. But Rey liked his look. She remembered her foster father telling her he had stopped a robbery at the convenience store single-handedly once, pulling out a rifle. She heard variations of what went down – he had a bullet scar on his shoulder but the other guy looked much worse; his gun was a fake but the other guy didn’t know the difference and ran; there were no guns, just a fist fight, and the other guy looked much worse. He was sort of a hero in the town. Rey liked that.

She was glad she shaved and wore her jean shorts that day. They made her bum look good. Her sneakers were a bit dirty but that was okay, because her legs looked good, too. Bit of muscle, lean, smooth. She was lucky to have good legs.

Rose dragged her by the elbow. “Come on!” They went behind the store to light the cigarettes and smoke. Rey coughed a couple of times but they repeated the technique they learned from the Internet and got it pretty quick. Rey didn’t like the taste. It was like swallowing an ashtray. Rose gagged with disgust, too, but they both laughed about it, bending over as they leaned on the white brick walls.

Rey warred with herself about telling Rose about her thoughts on Ben but decided not to. Maybe Rose would think he was too old, or not think he was cute. Rose was always talking about Poe Dameron, the top player at Naboo High’s wrestling team. She wouldn’t get a face like Ben’s.

Rey came back a few times after that, and she came back alone. She had visited the 7-11 before, but it was right on the way to school, and why not pick up a few snacks?

She sulked on the days it was someone else working there mornings, usually a blonde girl named Kaydel. She always sounded bored when she asked Rey how she was paying, never looking her in the eyes but at phone she had hidden under the counter. Rey could hear the clicks of the text messages she typed. She had given up on being warm and friendly after the first two times.

On the days Ben was there, Rey took her time in the chips section, even though she always got the Chex Mex and a Gatorade.

The first day she saw him again, he smiled at her as he scanned the barcodes. “Hey, don’t I know you?”

Rey retreated her hands into the sleeves of her hoodie and shrugged, acting casual. “Oh, I don’t know. Come here all the time.” She smiled, even as she felt her heart racing. She knew _him._

His smile widened and he glanced at her. His eyes traveled to her legs, then back up to her face. “You’re that cigarette girl.”

Rey’s heart did a little flip. That had been two weeks ago, but he remembered. She nervously twisted the sleeves of her hoodie, but her smile was genuine this time. “Yeah. Yeah, that was me.”

He laughed at that, deep dimples in his cheeks showing. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything. Did he know she was underage? Has he been wanting to report her and that’s why he recognized her? Rey’s smile dropped as she dug around for the ten dollar bill in the front pocket of her hoodie. 

“Hey, kid, relax,” he said. “You want another pack, I’ll give you one.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “Oh. No, that won’t be necessary. I don’t smoke. That was a one-time thing. I wouldn’t _actually_ smoke.”

He shook his head, still smirking. “Goody two-shoes girl?” He took her bill, all the while not taking his eyes off her. “What’s your name?”

“Rey,” Rey said, feeling how much her cheeks were burning. All of her was burning. She didn’t usually make an effort for guys. They didn’t come to her and she didn’t come to them. She had had a few crushes, but Ben seemed like a real mature guy compared to the rest of them.

“Rey,” he repeated, extending the plastic back with her stuff to her. Rey took it and mumbled a thank you. “Where are you from around here, Rey?”

Rey didn’t know what he meant – she wasn’t about to give him her street address. So she said the first thing that came to mind. “I go to Naboo High." So he was interested in her. Guys didn’t ask questions unless they were really interested. So far he’d asked her two. “Eleventh grade,” she stuttered out at the last second, so he wouldn’t think she was a freshman.

He raised his eyebrows at her, chuckling again. “Eleventh? Impressive. Must be real smart.”

Rey shrugged. She wasn’t really. She had taken a few Honors courses but her grades were average. Still, it was nice to hear him say it.

“Best be popping off to school then, Rey.” He looked at his watch and frowned at it. “Looks like you might be late.”

Rey panicked. She'd lost track of time. She was never late. She hated being reprimanded and she didn’t want to ruin her no-detention record. “What time is it?”

“Seven fifty-six,” he said. Shit. School started at eight. With the mile-walk she had left and the time it would take to get to the second floor to her homeroom, she would never make it in time.

“Want me to give you a ride, sweetheart?” Ben said. Rey looked between him and the door. She could make a run for it. It would dirty her Converse and she would be sweaty and gross and still not make it in time. She looked back at Ben, not understanding why he was being so nice to her – just like she wanted. Unkar always taught her she was rarely going to get what she wanted out of life.

She smiled at him. “Sure,” she said, breathless. “Sure, yeah, if you don’t mind.” He smirked at her as he dug around in his back pocket and jangled his keys. “Pickup’s out front.”

Rey didn’t worry so much about being late, all of a sudden. She was talking to a town hero. And she rarely ever got to ride to school in a car. Unkar had to get up really early for work and the bus didn’t go to her area. Some stupid zoning rule her neighborhood didn’t meet. But here was Ben, being a hero again. _Her_ hero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading. <3


	2. rouge baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops, it's gonna be longer.
> 
> there's mention of child neglect in this chapter; rey's foster dad sucks.

Rey liked his truck. It was red and it was rusty. When she climbed into the passenger seat, she liked that she didn’t have to think about sitting in the back or front. She was right beside him, watching his arm flex as he put the car into gear.

She put her hands between her thighs, warming them, bouncing her legs as she looked out the window, peaking at him every now and then.

He drove with one hand on the wheel. The window was down and his other hand rested on the side of the truck. He whistled as he drove. His radio was on a country song station, and every once in a while his voice would pick up to the music.

_Sweet Home Alabama_

_Where the skies are so blue_

It made Rey blush. His voice was deep but gentler when he sang. The only person she sang in front of was Rose, and even then, it wasn’t singing, just belting at the top of their lungs to “Watermelon Sugar” in Rose’s room where not a sliver of wall was visible under all the band posters. Rey didn’t know what to do with herself. He seemed so confident.

“How old are you, sweetheart?” he asked her as he took a turn.

Rey tried to push strands of hair behind her ear as the wind loosened them. “I’m sixteen.”

He snorted at that. “And you’re taking a ride with a stranger?” He tsked. “What will your ma and pa think?”

Rey’s head snapped to look at him, wondering if he was serious and going to reprimand her. The cigarettes thing was already bad. She’d never ridden in the car of someone she barely knew, apart from social services when she was eight and first arrived to Indiana to be put in Unkar’s home. Not that Unkar would care much at all who’s car she was in. And Rey never met her mother. She didn’t even know if she was alive. But Ben wasn’t really a stranger – he’d been on her mind for a while. Not that he knew that.

“Um.” She rubbed the sleeves of her hoodie against each other. It was hard to explain. “Well—”

“I’m just kidding, doll,” he said, shaking his head. “Half of the stuff I say, I’m just joking around.”

“Oh, okay.” Rey chuckled nervously, not realizing she had looked scared at all. People always told her she looked nervous, even though she wasn’t very aware of how it showed on her face.

“I do know you, actually,” she added.

He raised his eyebrows. “Do you now?”

Rey wondered if she should have just kept her mouth shut and not said anything at all – maybe it was weird that she knew him. Rose knew him, and so did a lot of people, but Rey didn’t want to come off as being stalker-y.

“Yes—because of the robbery at your store,” she added quickly, hoping that she hadn’t given away too much. He was older than her, and cooler. An adult with a job. And handsome. Rey wrestled with herself about staring at his arms every time they flexed as he turned the wheel or changed gears. It wouldn’t be very smooth of her to give away that she had been thinking about him for days, like he’d ever consider her, inexperienced as she was.

“People still talkin’ about that?” he said.

Rey nodded her head vigorously. “Uh, _yeah._ Of course. Everyone thinks you’re brave.”

“Huh. Well, thank you, darling,” he said casually, craning his neck to look at something on the road that looked like small roadkill. Rey was blushing again so she was glad he was looking away. She tucked her hands further back into her sleeves and leaned her elbow on the window, staring at the passing trees outside.

Ben wasn’t keen on ending the conversation though. Rey was glad he had things to say, because she was blanking like crazy. Not that she was much of a chatterbox anyway, but even the most basic questions she could’ve asked escaped her in that moment.

After a pause, he asked, “You got no boyfriend to drive you to school?”

Rey sunk down in the seat, the backs of her legs rubbing against the polyester. She smiled in spite of herself and shook her head. He seemed really interested in her in ways no guy ever had been. “I don’t really have one of those.”

His eyebrows shot up again. “Oh. Well that’s unfortunate. Shouldn’t be making such a long trek on your own.”

Usually Rey walked with Rose, who lived in the same neighborhood. It wasn’t too bad, actually. She liked it because that’s when her and Rose got to talk. Apart from lunch, there weren’t too many opportunities to talk openly in class, and they only had two classes together. Still, she appreciated his concern. She studied the freckles on his face, noticing just how many there were for the first time.

It wasn’t long before he pulled his truck in front of the school. Rey pulled her backpack from where it rested on the floor between her legs, a navy blue Jansport, and attempted a smile, even though she had a hard time looking him in the eye. “Well, thank you, Ben.”

“Yeah, ‘course, anytime.” He chewed his gum as he smiled. Rey got out of the car and looked back once to wave awkwardly, but by then he was already pulling away from the curb. Rey felt a little bruised at that – not that he had to have stuck around to watch her go, but still. She had waved at no one.

* * *

The next time she got to the convenience store, Ben asked her out.

It was a Tuesday. Rey actually had something she needed to buy—BandAids for Rose, who got new shoes that were giving her blisters. Rey didn’t expect to see him, since Kaydel usually worked mornings on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.

She waited at the register for a couple of minutes, nearly rolling her eyes wondering what was taking Kaydel so long, when he emerged from the back room.

He froze for a minute, registering the sight of her. Then a smile broke out over his face. “Rey.”

Rey felt excited watching him scan the BandAids and a pack of gum she had thrown in at the last second. She didn’t feel so nervous – he’d given her a ride to school, asked her a bunch of questions, and there was a mirth in his eyes even now, in her presence. 

“Hey, here’s an idea,” he said, frowning at the screen of the cash register. “You free this Friday?”

Rey’s heart skipped a beat. She stared at him, open-mouthed, not sure what to say. She had seen a “Now Hiring” flyer on the glass door on the way in – maybe he was looking for a coworker.

“I mean, I’ve got school.” Rey shrugged. He glanced over at her and smirked.

“You got those wide eyes again.” He turned to lean over on the counter, the fabric of his sleeves stretched taught over his biceps. “You afraid of me or somethin’?”

“N-no.” Rey vigorously shook her head. “I just—” She shook her head and let out a breath of laughter. “I’m a bit nervous sometimes, is all.” She probably wouldn’t have confessed that if she wasn’t so nervous. But the way he stared at her made her feel like all her secrets were exposed to him. She felt self-conscious about her dirty sneakers again, and the way she hadn’t brushed her hair that morning. Maybe he even knew she was on her period right now.

“Yeah, it’s cute,” he said. She saw the white wad of gum in his mouth as it went traveled from cheek to cheek. “You’re jumpy. Like a deer. ‘How can I put this little fawn at ease?’ I ask myself.”

Rey wrung the bottom of her T-shirt. Had he been thinking about her? She shrugged, trying to put on as casual of an expression as she could muster. “Don’t know. Give me free Snickers bars?”

He laughed at that, and she smiled, liking that she made him smile. He had dimples, wide ones, on either side of his face. His eyes seemed to glimmer looking at her – or maybe it was all in Rey’s head. She swallowed when his eyes traveled down to her feet again, back up to her eyes.

“How about I take you out? Friday night.” He straightened on the counter, leaning on his hands. His eyebrows shot up like there was a stipulation. He added, “If your mom and pop’ll let you, ‘course.”

Rey swallowed, her cheeks burning again. “Well—I mean—” she stammered. “Yeah, okay. Sure. I’m free Friday. Probably.” She shrugged, but she knew she looked high-strung, not cool and casual at all.

“I’ll call your place, then. Friday evening. Make sure it’s all right with your folks.”

God, was he asking for her phone number? Rey’s heart was beating so fast and she didn’t know where to look but ultimately settled on his eyes, dark and excited all at once. Pulling her in. “My Dad won’t care, really.” She shook her head and waved to the side for emphasis. “He doesn’t like talking on the phone. And I don’t have a cell phone or anything. Is that okay?”

It was a half-lie. Unkar hated when she spent too long on the landline with Rose or Finn. He would blow Ben off and not really care who took Rey where. 

Ben pursued his lips and his eyebrows went high as he shrugged. “All right with me if you’re not lyin’ to me. If you say your pa’s okay with it, then we’re okay. Seven o’clock. I’ll pick you up, soon as you tell me where your place is.”

Rey grinned. They were going on a date. She wasn’t in trouble, he didn’t care that she didn’t have a phone (most guys in school looked at her weird if she told them that), and they were going on a date. An older boy just asked her out. This beat anything she could’ve imagined for herself – she was starting to think about going out with Finn, just because everyone always commented on how chummy they were as friends, even though she didn’t really see him that way. Now she felt like that was foolish — she had no doubts about her attraction to Ben. Rey’s cheeks hurt when she grinned.

“Yeah, okay. Yeah. I can write it down, if you’d like.” She tugged a loose strand of hair behind her ear, ducking her head as she approached the counter, too nervous to look at him for longer than a second. She accepted the pen and torn piece of receipt paper he handed her and scribbled down her address, trying to make the letters neat, even though her handwriting was basically chicken scratch. Rose was the one with the neat, bubbly handwriting.

“You like roller coasters?” he asked. It took Rey a moment to understand what he meant, but then she remembered the flyers she’d seen posted all around town. A hesitant smile broke over her face. If he meant what she thought he meant, they were going to the _fair._

* * *

Rey had to be careful not to look too excited on Friday, both when she went school and back home. Her mind wandered in class. She knew it was cliché, but she doodled Ben’s name in her notebook, then crossed it out with frantic scratches of her pen so that no one accidentally saw it later.

She hung around with Finn and Rose but found it hard to pay attention to their eager debate over whether chicken tenders or pizza was a better Friday lunch food. She wondered what she was going to wear. She couldn’t believe she was going on a real date. She would tell Finn and Rose too, when the time was right – maybe the date would go badly and there would be nothing to brag about. Half the day, she spiraled about that. What if she was awkward? He was older than her, and smarter, and she wasn’t all that attractive. He might change his mind – see that she wasn’t all that smart at all.

Back home, she took out the only makeup there was – makeup that wasn’t hers. It was some stuff she found under the sink of the bathroom in Unkar’s bedroom. He used to have a girlfriend a couple of years back. Rey glad she was gone, and that she had left all a whole clear plastic bag of products for Rey to use. Half of them she didn’t even want to try to understand how to apply on her face. She just went for the simple stuff.

The mascara was a little clumpy, but it made Rey’s eyes look bigger. The lipstick was too bright so she had to press her lips on some toilet paper a couple of times. She looked older, too. She would look right with Ben tonight.

Rey adjusted her flowery, puffed-sleeves top – the nicest one she had – and made sure she still had cash in her small purse. She wasn’t sure if she had to pay for her own ticket, so she just took all the money she had. Twenty-one dollars and fifty-tree cents. She didn’t want to ask Unkar for money. It would just make him suspicious.

Just as she was turning the knob, he grunted from his place on the living room couch. “Where you going, sweetheart?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “Out with Rose to the fair for a couple of hours.”

“Who?!” he called.

Rey blinked rapidly in frustration. “ _Rose._ My friend from school.” _That I’ve mentioned over a million times_ , she wanted to add, but she bit her tongue.

“Don’t drink.” He said, his voice grumbly and course. “Don’t do drugs.” She couldn’t see his face, but she saw him pick up his beer from the table and swing it back. He cackled afterward, and some of it caught in his throat, because he wheezed and coughed. Rey was already making her way out the door.

She had to wait on the curve for a couple of minutes, hugging herself. She had a small Mickey Mouse watch on her wrist that she got in a McDonald’s kids meal once. It was already seven. What if he didn’t show up? What if he forgot or blew her off?

But a couple of minutes later, she heard the roar of an engine, then saw headlights shining in the near-dark.

He had his window rolled down when he pulled up to the curb, the old parts of his truck creaking. He had an arm wrapped around the back of the passenger seat when he leaned forward to look at her. His eyes lingered on her new top.

  
“Hop in,” he called to her. Rey eagerly made her way to the door and pulled herself in. The smell of cologne hit her the moment she shut the door. When she looked over at him, he looked – nice. He was wearing a button-up shirt, not the usual black bowling shirt he wore to work. It was a light cream color and had a grid pattern. He’d ironed it. A brown belt was looped through his pants.

“You look awful nice, sweetheart,” he said. He studied her face. Rey was glad he seemed to like the makeup because she wasn’t sure she’d done it right. “Look at you,” he added for emphasis. His gaze dipped to her body again, and Rey shivered. She felt a wet spot forming in her underwear already and they weren’t even doing anything. He was so straightforward. She wouldn’t like it from some random guy – some guy in a dirty t-shirt with sweat stains and his mouth hanging open, walking around a grocery store with drugged eyes. And she didn’t like it when Unkar gave her that look sometimes, too. But Ben was open. No games. He asked her out and he told her she looked good. No one had ever been that explicit with her.

“You look really good too,” she added. “Like, really good.” She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. She didn’t want to seem too eager. He smiled in that way again, like she had said something funny. But he did look good. His hair was washed and smooth, and she wanted to touch it. And he smelled good. Woodsy.

He put the car into gear, and they drove off. Rey sat still, hands between her thighs again, watching the light fading from the sky, looking at the front yards of all the houses. She’d only been to the fair once five years ago, when Unkar had decided to be nice for her birthday, even though he complained about spending the money the whole time and didn’t go on any rides, just ate corn on the cob as Rey went on the spinning teacups ride by herself.

Her stomach churned, she was so excited. Ben turned on the radio again, humming to “Free Bird,” tapping his finger on the steering wheel. She still felt a little embarrassed hearing it, but she didn’t mind as much this time. Involuntarily, all the nervousness bubbling up, she giggled.

He swiveled his head at the sound. “What? You don’t like my singin’?”

“Sorry.” Rey shook her head and covered her mouth. He had such a radar for her feelings. “No, it’s fine. I just—”

“What? Come on now, be honest.” He kept looking her as he steered, occasionally glancing at the road. “I can take it.”

Rey felt her cheeks turning red. Now she was embarrassed for herself. She wanted to sink further into her seat at his gaze, even though she also didn’t want him to look away. “I just don’t sing much is all. Weird when other people do it. You don’t sound bad, it’s just – weird for me. Sorry.” She pretended to be busy getting dirt out from under a nail.

“Huh. Shy little thing,” he said. “We gotta get you out of your comfort zone.”

When Rey looked at him again, he was grinning at her, and she smiled back. He was probably right. Everything about this was already so outside of her comfort zone. Ben was so many new things at once. Rey had never been more scared. And she’d never been more excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw, "allein" is a german word that means "alone." i learned it from a german song called "wenn du tanzt."


	3. relish

The fair was better than Rey remembered, or maybe it had something to do with Ben walking by her side. It was already dark, but that did not deter anyone from coming. There was a sizeable crowd. They had to wait in line and chatted casually while taking gradual steps to get tickets. Ben had his hands in his pockets, chewing on his bottom lip occasionally. He told her about going to community college. He was taking business classes and said he wanted to open up his own auto shop in town one day.

“I’ll probably won’t have my own car for a while,” Rey said, already thinking about how she wished she could see the success of Ben’s business. There was no way she could save up enough money – not if she also wanted to save up to get her own place once she was eighteen. Unkar definitely wouldn’t get her a car. He kept blowing off her requests to teach her to drive, grunting, “Later, I’m busy,” every time she tried to ask.

“Well, that’s no problem. You got me to give you rides now,” Ben grinned. Rey couldn’t tell if he was joking or not – surely that would be way too much to ask.

When they reached the ticket counter, Rey had her crumbled twenty ready in her hands, ready to volunteer her money, but Ben stepped ahead of her, pulling out a wallet from his back pocket, sifting through the bills until he found a twenty. “Two tickets, please.”

After they went in, Rey had to catch up to him – for every step he took she had to take two. “I could pay you back for my ticket if you want,” she said hurriedly. “I’ve got money.” She didn’t want him to think she wasn’t capable of providing for herself on dates. She’d done a few dog sitting jobs around the neighborhood and could scrap together enough to pay for things every once in a while – assuming they went out again.

“No way, baby doll,” he said, shaking his head. “This one is on me. Your company’s all the payment I need.”

Rey was sure that if it hadn’t been dark outside, he’d see the way her whole body flushed red. That was fine with her. She wrung her hands over the crumbled-up money, deciding she might spend it on some food later for the both of them.

She felt a little strange walking around with him initially, trying to think of things to say. But it wasn’t so hard once they started to pay attention to all the rides and attractions. They played the game where they had to throw water balloons at a target so that the clown sitting in the water tank fell in. Rey felt kind of bad for the guy, but when Ben hit the target and the man in the clown suit fell inside, he burst out laughing.

“Fucking _love_ that,” Ben said, hurling one more balloon at the target even though the clown had already been dunked and the metallic seat discarded no one.

Rey blushed again, amazed at how unafraid he was to express himself. She looked around a little, making sure no one was looking. All of the clown’s makeup had smeared and his eyes were squeezed tightly shut as he tried to scramble out of the tank.

Ben liked the roller coasters. They went on the spinning teacups, which Rey had laughed throughout, and then on the boat that did a pendulum swing and had no restraints. Rey sat close to Ben, clinging tightly to his shirt, screeching every time the boat dropped. Ben just laughed like it was the best time of his life, but he put an arm around Rey’s shoulder, which made her feel better.

At some point, Ben bought them food – one hotdog for her and two for himself. He refused to let her pay again. Rey really felt like she should buy him something, but it was sweet. It reaffirmed more and more that it wasn’t just a friends thing like it was with Finn and Rose, where they split their ticket prices at the movies or paid each other back for whoever bought them all Skittles at the school vending machine.

Rey was excited to eat—she had asked for the hotdog to have everything on it, which she hoped didn’t seem weird. She just really liked to eat everything. She wasn’t picky. Ben watched her with an amused smile, chuckling as she took a big bite. He tongued the inside of his cheek, his dark eyes glimmering again as he considered her. “Keep surprisin’ me. You got an appetite.” 

Some mustard got on Rey’s chin, and she hurriedly wiped it away with the back of her hand. She tried to take smaller bites after that, not wanting to seem un-ladylike, but she couldn’t help how hungry she was.

People stared at him as they passed, and Rey wondered if it was because he was so tall or because they recognized him from the convenience store. She was happy to be on his arm, metaphorically, at least, because inevitable their gazes wandered to her, too.

They came up to the Ferris wheel. The line to it was long, but Rey couldn’t help her excitement. She’d never been on one. Back when she went to the fair with Unkar, he’d run out of patience by the time they got to it. He barked about how it would take too long and had dragged Rey back to the exit by the sleeve of her shirt.

“Can we go on this one?” Rey asked, looking at Ben with a wide smile, cheeks dimpling. He considered her, then looked up at the Ferris wheel, flipping his hair out of his eyes, as if he was assessing whether it was worth it. “Sure,” he drawled, grinning. “Anything you want.”

Ben hovered a hand over the small of her back as they stood in line, at some point resting it just above her butt. It made Rey shiver. She stood perfectly still except for when they had to move up in line, not wanting to ruin the moment. His hand was big and warm. His fingers curved around her hip, and he lightly squeezed, which made Rey’s heartrate go up. She had been hugged and touched affectionately by friends, but it felt different when Ben did it. She felt _his_ like this. Anyone who looked at them might think they were a couple. Rey reminded herself not to get ahead of herself—that’s what Rose would probably say if she was there.

“You okay, little fawn?” he asked. Rey realized she hadn’t spoken a word since they got in line. She had been so focused on the him touching her, the surreal-ness of this date even happening, that she had forgotten to actually talk to her date in the lagging line.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, smiling up at him reassuringly.

“Not afraid of heights, are you?” he said, his eyebrows rising high.

She shook her head vigorously. “No. I’m just glad I’m here. I haven’t been to the fair in a long time.”

“Lucky you got me, then, huh?” he asked. The hand that wasn’t gripping her hip travelled up to her forehead, where he flicked away something, like a piece of lint, his fingertips brushing over her skin.

Rey’s cheeks hurt from smiling. She was lucky indeed.

When they finally got on the ride and a man in a white polo shirt lowered the bar over them, Rey felt butterflies in her stomach. Her knee was touching Ben’s, and he swung his arm over the back of their seat so that she was nearly in the crook of his arm. She could feel the heat of his body. There was a light hint of sweat, too – it was hot that night – but Rey didn’t mind the smell. It wasn’t like when the boys emerged from the locker room in Physical Ed. Ben was a man. He smelled right, somehow. She only hoped she didn’t smell.

The Ferris wheel set off, taking them up. Rey got more excited the higher they went, pointing at the distant lit-up buildings, the direction of Naboo High. Ben watched her, drawing his arm closer around her, until she felt his fingers grip her shoulder.

“Look at you, bein’ so cute,” he said. Being so close to him, Rey felt the vibrations of his deep voice when he chuckled. Rey scooted a little closer to him, feeling that heat between her legs with the way he looked at her. She blinked up at him with big eyes, suddenly forgetting the sights and the fact that they were hanging two hundred and fifty feet in the air. His gaze flitted to her lips, and Rey swallowed.

Ben’s other hand traveled up and brushed her cheek. “You’re so beautiful, baby. Look at those doe eyes.” A wind blew, making them sway a little, and Rey shivered. She’d never had someone look at her like that, never got so close to anyone before. “Ben, I—”

Before she could finish her sentence, Ben dipped his head, his lips catching hers. Rey uncertainly put her hands on his chest, her mind going completely blank at the feel of his soft mouth kissing her. She wrapped her hands around his neck. Her heart was beating a mile a minute.

Rey had kissed before. Just once. A boy in middle school on the playground who she had been playing tag with. He found her breathless in the bleachers, tagged her and said, “Gotcha.” Right before planting one on her. Rey had kissed back, though it was clumsy and their teeth clashed. He was cute, and it made Rey so excited she had forgotten about tag altogether, even though he later pretended nothing had happened and Rey had cried for a week.

Ben pulled back for only a moment. His eyes were half-hooded, pupils dilated. He was breathless, focused on her. He dropped his hand from her face and put in on Rey’s thigh, where her skin was exposed. Her shorts had ridden up, and his huge hand covered the entirety of her thigh.

He dipped his head again, and Rey was more ready this time. She had no time to think about whether what she was doing was right. His mouth moved fervently over hers and she returned it with the same fervor. A small sigh escaped her. The Ferris wheel shifted, making their carriage swing a little, but Rey paid it no mind, shifting to face Ben more fully as the hinges creaked. 

He stuck his tongue into her mouth suddenly. Rey tried to pull away, not expecting it. His grip on her tightened, so Rey tried to relax into it. It was more than she expected, but it felt good—all her nerve endings were on fire from his touch. His tongue was wet and warm.

Rey felt his hand travel up her thigh and go between her legs. Her body tensed, and she broke away from the kiss when he cupped her.

“Ben—wait—” she said, breathless. He began to rub her there, his fingers moving up and down over the fabric covering her crotch. “I don’t know if—Ben, I don’t know if we should do that,” she said.

He had his eyes closed as he rubbed her, but they slowly opened as she tried to shuffle away. They were still pretty high up but would be coming down soon. Rey didn’t want anyone to see.

“Don’t you worry, baby. Be easy. Doesn’t this feel good?” He continued to rub her there, but just with two of his fingers, pressing more intensely into her crotch. Rey sighed a little. It was too much. It was not enough. It did feel good, but she wasn’t ready for this much stimulation.

Ben nuzzled into her neck, kissing her skin there, nipping and biting her lightly, his tongue wetting over where he had bitten. “Oh _,_ ” Rey whimpered, automatically craning her head back and shutting her eyes.

“That’s it,” he murmured, pecking her skin. “Doesn’t that feel good? Such a little fawn, so tense and wound up. Gotta loosen you up a little.”

The Ferris wheel moved again. Rey’s head was leaned all the way back, but when she cracked open her eyes, she could see a couple sitting in the carriage above them. She leaned forward suddenly, fully alert. “Ben—please—someone might see. People can see us.” She wrapped her hand around the wrist that was moving rhythmically between her legs. Ben froze, looked at her hand on his, then slowly pulled away from her neck.

When she met his gaze, she felt a huge welt of guilt in her chest. He wasn’t smiling at her anymore, his eyes dark with only a hint of a clenched jaw, serious like the couple of times she’d been scared by the sight of him at the convenience store before she ever talked to him.

“Please. I would just rather – do this in private,” Rey said, taking a shaky breath. The Ferris wheel lowered them again, a little faster than Rey expected, and she gripped the handle bar, scared by the motion and by Ben being mad at her.

“Fine, all right with me,” Ben said. He shrugged, like it didn’t bother him, and leaned back in his seat, swinging both arms around the back of the carriage. He looked away, studying the surroundings, and began to whistle. What had happened? One moment ago, he was giving her his undivided attention. Now, it was like she wasn’t there. She still felt wet between her legs, and she rubbed her thighs together, uncomfortable. Without the warmth of his body enveloping her, she felt cold. She put her hands between her thighs to warm them.

“I’m—I’m sorry,” Rey stuttered. She felt her eyes fill up with tears, and her teeth chattered a little. “It’s just that I’ve never done anything like that. The kissing and all that. It’s a bit much. I’m sorry.”

Ben still didn’t say anything. She looked at him, but his gaze was turned to the other side, where there was only a sea of trees and a blinking cell tower in the distance. Rey had really done it now. She really managed to mess up their first date. Probably their last date. Even with his arm behind her, it barely brushed her shoulders.

When they reached the bottom and the handle bar was lifted, Rey quickly wiped away the tears running down her cheeks. It was probably going to mess up her makeup if it hadn’t already. Ben got up first, exiting the ride with his long strides. Rey quickly followed him, struggling to catch up. Was he going to leave her?

“Ben?” she called. “Ben, please, wait. I’m sorry. _Ben_.”

She had to walk quickly as he continued to pace forward, but then he stopped abruptly in the middle of the dirt road. The crowd had dissipated somewhat, only a few people scattered about now. He stood there, back to her. Rey hesitantly caught up and went around him, so she could look at his face. He had his fists clenched, and he was staring intently at the ground.

“We could go home, if you want,” Rey rushed. “I can pay you for gas, since you’ve got to drop me off.” She looked up at him, wide-eyed, twiddling her thumbs nervously as she waited for his response.

Ben shut his eyes, letting out a long sigh through his nose. He gave a miniscule shake of his head and muttered, “No. None of that.” He still wouldn’t look at her, but he unclenched his fists, sniffed, and rubbed his nose. “Come on. Best we go home now.”

“Okay,” Rey said in a voice barely above a whisper. At least he seemed less angry now. The rest of the walk back to the exit was silent. Rey clutched herself, silent tears running down her cheeks. Holy shit, this was bad. How did everything go wrong so quickly? Maybe no one had seen them at all. Unkar always told her she was too jumpy and scared, like a cat, because of how she startled anytime he came into the kitchen or living room and she hadn’t heard him. Sometimes he would bust into her room unannounced, though. One time she had been in the middle of changing and had to scramble to cover her breasts with a t-shirt she had just discarded on the floor.

Rey waited. Multiple times she tried to find the courage to say something – to find the right moment—but she couldn’t. She just sat still, the wind blowing in from the open windows drying her eyes. When they reached her house, all the lights in the windows were off. Rey sat there, finding it hard to move.

“I’m sorry, Ben,” she murmured. More tears spilled over. She wished Rose was there. If anyone could handle her tears and hold her hand when she cried, it was Rose. 

Ben didn’t say anything, just sat there like a stone statue. When she looked up at him, he was facing forward, his expression inscrutable. After a moment, he turned his head but looked somewhere beyond her Converse shoes. Then, chewing on his cheek, he said, “Think you better go home, Rey.”

Rey didn’t think her heart could sink any lower, but it did in that moment. She extracted herself from the car, putting down one foot, then the other since the truck stood so tall. She shut the door and only looked back when she was at the door.

She watched as he put the car into gear and drove off, not waving to her or even sparing her a second glance.

Rey was glad Unkar was asleep. She couldn’t bear to think of what he’d say if he saw her reddened face. She undressed, wiped away her makeup with some force, then collapsed into bed and sobbed into her pillow until she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading as always. 💛 i'm also on twitter if you wanna see my rambles (same url for tumblr): https://twitter.com/goldlightsaber


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